Friday 14 September 2012

Thank God It's Friday

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These past months has been a series of bitter sweet escapades and to tell you the truth, I was never contented on what's happening in and around me. Something is haunting me beyond imagination and I couldn't exactly visualize the moment it happened. The skies are getting darker and the rains are submerging the peace I had before. I am looking down on a person who used to be the angel in disguise. Now he's just a pathetic person trying to look good and forcing himself to carry the load of a heavenly man. 

I am looking for answers. No. I was looking for questions - the exact questions why is this even happening to me. Why the skies are so dark and the rains seems so disturbing?

It's Friday - and its' time to face the battle again, Who's and who isn't right in the first place.

Sunday 2 September 2012

Arg Notes #8: Pre-celebration Feelings of Catastrophe


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I'm nearly 24 years old and I didn't barely accomplished anything worth being proud of
as of now. I feel like a total bum, though I'm currently employed. My life has been left out. I have no real life. I have no excitements and adventures. Nothing to be proud of.

Majority of my friends are now succesful in their careers - earning nearly twice my salary. They're all happy and contented with what they have and enjoying the benefits of their careers - while I'm stuck here almost rotting out of illogical salary pay and inconsiderate co-employees.

The love of my life is now on the others side of my world and I can't even tell her how much I love her because she's been so trapped and confused on her self-made world. She's happy without me. It's not that I wasted 5 years of my life proving her how much she mean to me, but yes - I probably can conclude that after everything I've done for her - what I DID can't be compared to the JOY her friends is giving to her right now. I've now become a nuisance rather than a knight in shining armor. Everything has changed and after these past few months I really can't accept the fact that she saw me differently than what I've expected.

I keep asking myself why is this happening to me despite the sincerity and truthfulness I've showed her. After all those years I protected her and sacrificed everything just to save her from future shame and destruction - and now It's pointless. She doesn't know me enough to stay with me forever.

I lost my love for music. I've lost my inspiration. I'm consumed by regrets and loss of self-worth.
Yes this is me right now, totally opposite of what you expect from me.