Tuesday 19 March 2013

Runrio 21k Race Results 2013



Arg Notes #30: Update about my self

March 19, 2013

For those who are asking me , "How are you Josh?", this will be the best post for you.

I'm partially ok, partially..well let's say damaged. I don't know to what extent but I'm beginning to see the light . Thank God for His faithfulness and patience on me. I maybe be the most sadistic and pessimistic servant, but I know for sure that I do have a heart of a servant - though mostly influenced by the prince of this world. This disaster will end. I'm sure of it. No catastrophe will take over my God given goals and abilities. I won't let the enemy confuse me on what is right and what is less.

I may be bitter on my past and seem consumed with regrets, but I pray that someday I can forgive.
As of these days, I'm focusing on the Lord. This is the only thing that will make me whole.



Monday 11 March 2013

Ordering Your Private World


08:10 Tuesday
3 days to go before my speaking engagement to a high school retreat.

I still don't believe it. Obviously, I wasn't supposed to take this kind of topic- especially when it comes to time management. I graduated late. I wasted years for a wrong relationship. I wasted so much time for myself and not for the "best" of me. However, for this kids, I'll be speaking not out of integrity, but of concern and warning. Bwaahahahahha. *evil laugh" + "Yao ming meme face"

My title would be "Recapturing my time". This is actually the chapter 7 from Mcdonald's book "Ordering your private world".

If  people would ask my self, "How would you re-capture your time?" - it would take me days to answer that.

Now for the serious part. This will be my notes as I speak. God help me on this one.

Re-capturing my time. If I will be given 10 years to live, how will I spend my remaining years? That's a good question. Well of course, I will live my life to the maximum! I will spend every minute, every hour, every day, as if it's my last. I will be at my best.  - and time , "my" time, will be spent wisely.


I loved you.

March 12 ,2013

I don't know how to feel or what to expect from myself. This emotional catastrophe is lingering beneath my soul. I should end this.

I can't say I don't care or rather I don't love you anymore. I've made a choice of loving you no matter what and holding on to that till the end comes. But, please forgive me, I love God more than you. I can't please you while turning my priorities away from God. I decided to let you go because of the fact that we have different priorities in life. It is very evident that you can't enjoy me while I am serving the Lord.

We are different. Majority of your happiness is not based on God's work. That is the reason why we can't have a steady relationship. I tried to accept you and believe that I can change you to be a better person God wanted you to be - but I failed. You won't change. I know you tried, but you failed because you started to change yourself just because of me and not for the Lord. I don't hate you for choosing the world instead of me. I hate you because you took me for granted. I didn't use you or even saw you as a mere girlfriend material.

I loved you with all my heart. I dedicated my life helping you grow in Christ. I made sacrifices for you. I even rejected the wisdom of my parents and I did hold on to the fact that I love you and that's a period. Can't you see that?! I loved you more than everything! I planned for our future, our ministry, and what can we become. I treated you as a partner, that without you, I would be nothing. My future plans involves us. I don't consider myself successful without you by my side. That is how much you are important to me.

But I guess, everyone's right. I made a big mistake just like you. I've given you a choice, the world - or my guidance. You didn't choose me. I am very sorry for you.

I don't care how much you hated me too.
I know I loved you - and still loving you .

I can't even look and be mesmerized by other women besides you. The distance between us, the broken relationship, is nothing because I still love you. Deep within my soul I know this is true. I won't fool myself.   This is me. The person you never knew.

I know there is no chance you can read this - or even understand what this post mean.
I waiting for the moment that you will have a paradigm shift. You'll be sorry, accept the things you have done, and repent.

You don't know what you are doing.
Good luck

RED CROSS Fun Run 2012