Arg Notes #37: The Lovelife Update

October 04, 2013

Monthsarry? Lol. Sorry guys I wasn't able to update this blog. It's not that my fingers are all broken or neither I gave up my hobby for blogging. I've been busy these past months and here's one of the reasons why...

Ang pangalawang kilig is the sweetest. A big harhar. I thought she is the one.
However, like most guys in my age, im very susceptible to Satan's army of cupids
attacking my romantic life or whatever you call that. It has been months of
hmmmm....mutual understanding? Like we're on the stage of getting to know each
and just been waiting for the right time to "officially" fall in love.
Everything is getting smooth - then it happened. The "moves" men or women
do toward their "I-dont-want-you-anymore" partners.

Kinda shocked coz naturally - I'm the one doing this kind of move to people who "like" me or worse to people who takes great efforts just to convey their obvious feelings toward me. LOL

I invested time, effort, assumed feelings? ROFL

Well, lesson learned. Good relationships starts from friendship. No assumed relationship or whatever. Don't overdo efforts just to make a girl to like you coz sooner at end of her infatuations, you'll be kicked of from her so called dreamland. She may want you today, but not tomorrow. She may want you tomorrow, not today. - or worse, she doesn't want you at all. She's just spending quality conversation with you because she's lonely and have no one to talk to. I dunno. I don't want to judge. But, this is what I feel so I guess I have to write these kind of experiences.

I thought she was the one I would spend the rest of my life - That's what I thought.

#breakitdown

Arg Notes #34: Jesus take the wheel

05.07.2013

Cold afternoon. Hungry. Noise coveted area. I was deeply focused on what I am doing the whole day - the endless input of the sales summary. My mind is  partly damaged of this stress I'm experiencing. It seems motivation is partly to blame for this.

Then this unexpected part happened. As my office mate was singing, it slipped my mind - the very first and only song that she sung to me.

Jesus, Take the Wheel
(James/Lindsey/Sampson)

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
she was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Ooh, Jesus take the wheel
Ooh, I'm letting go

So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Ooh, take it, take it from me
Ooh ooh wah ah ooh ooh ooh

Thanks Cowboy lyrics!

I still remember her exact facial expression and the way she sung this to me. It's sincere. It's heavenly. Kilig much. Priceless. She's the type of person who doesn't sing in public so I assume she singing for me personally was really a diving blessing.

No, Not this one.

It was a good memory.

Arg Notes #32: Ano ang mga bagay na hirap kang bitawan?

042913

Sorry if this post will be in Tagalog. Just to explain and elaborate things more accurately :s

Arg Notes #30: Update about my self

March 19, 2013

For those who are asking me , "How are you Josh?", this will be the best post for you.

I'm partially ok, partially..well let's say damaged. I don't know to what extent but I'm beginning to see the light . Thank God for His faithfulness and patience on me. I maybe be the most sadistic and pessimistic servant, but I know for sure that I do have a heart of a servant - though mostly influenced by the prince of this world. This disaster will end. I'm sure of it. No catastrophe will take over my God given goals and abilities. I won't let the enemy confuse me on what is right and what is less.

I may be bitter on my past and seem consumed with regrets, but I pray that someday I can forgive.
As of these days, I'm focusing on the Lord. This is the only thing that will make me whole.

Arg Notes #25: Don't know. Don't care.

013113 16:30

Have you ever felt being so concerned to someone to the point of literally giving up your life just for for her/her safety? It's the "I don't care about myself attitude". The other person is more important than anything else. Your actions - even your sacrifices - is for her own good, for her own comfort. Anything you do is for the purpose of putting a smile on her face. You cry when she cries. You smile when she smiles. Her happiness is the foundation of your joy and there's no other thing that can
make you feel happy besides her.

I am so used up on taking care of people who doesn't even acknowledge my efforts for them. I feel like I've been taking for granted with all the time and the energy that for so long

I've been giving them. They're just "there" because they needed something.Needing someone to talk to or whatever. When the time comes that they are now experiencing the "I am now alright" part of life. Boom. They're gone. They don't need you anymore.

Ofcourse I am writing with a negative spirit, so don't believe or even imitate what I am writing. This is only for my "I want-to-let-it-out" time.

These days I was forced to ignore the people I used to know - the people I used to care. Maybe it's now time to seek "new" people to care about. Start with someone new - or even new friends that will know you from the start.

I know ignoring "them" will be painful. However, this is for the better of both sides.

It's your choice to forget the things we shared. You're now enjoying your so-called oasis of life. Well sarcastically, I bid you good luck. I believe in miracles, but for you, that wouldn't be necessary. Don't worry. I don't hate you. I'm just developing new "feelings" for you. Not rejection or even hatred. There will come a time where we'll meet in both ends and I wouldn't even recognize who you are.

I did my part as you're kuya, your guardian, your love one,your whatever.

You did yours.

I don't know. I don't care.

I am sorry whoever you are. It's time to say good bye and let go of everything I care about you. You have forgotten who I am and all the things I did for you. Memories cannot be erased especially for me, but I will surely erase all my remaining feelings for you.

to all the people I used to care,

I am sorry. I don't know who you are. I don't care.




DISCLAIMER:

Yeah, I do realize and understand the meaning of this post. This is soooo not me.
Get thee away from me, Satan.

Ok now he's gone.

It is really hard to forgive - that's a fact and it is humanly. However, we all commit mistakes. We fail our Master everyday. We do stupid, illogical, and selfish decisions that makes Him go *facepalm*

Loving a person is also forgiving them.

I maybe disobedient most of the times and fail you in any way I can - but still you forgive me and still at my side.

Teach me how to forgive and be patient to the people surrounding me.

Teach me how to love like You do.

Arg Notes #22: Love at first sight

Show encrypted picture

Love at first sight. Remember the first time you saw your crush?

Yes, that "butterfly" feeling you felt with matching cold drops of water on your back?

No, it's not that thing.

I'm almost on my mid 20's and I consider myself picky when in terms of "admiring" women. Well, it really depends on the person in charge on his standard body-character-personality test on a girl he is starting to like. We, guys, have our own checklist. You must accept that fact. It's rare find for a girl to be both beautiful with good personality or either one with a cute smile and a hot body.

In reality, they have their own characteristics that makes them unique. Each of them is beautiful on God's eyes. Loving is in fact a comlex feeling. As explained by the majority, " It makes life worthwhile". The worst case scenario is - you don't know if you're in love or maybe you're just flattered to the extreme level. I don't know if I will start to believe in love at first sight but believe me when I saw this girl, I was really strucked hard like one of those blow of Marquez.

Arg Notes #21: Uchiha Sasuke

01 22 2013

People change because they wanted to. It's choice. Every decisions has its own outcome.
Good or bad. No matter how crazy it is, we do have end results. A person cannot stop changing either for the better or for the worst. I remember an anime character named Sasuke from the clan of Uchiha. He experienced his clan being slaughtered by his older brother Itachi. Being a child, he was consumed by guilt and revenge.

I know we are living in a world where we are taught to forgive and to forget - but there are some things that can't be easily erased by a mere sorry right?

Anger changes a person no matter how good it is. An unforgiving spirit is like a cursed seal inflicted upon you and there's no way you can get away with it.

Anger will change your destiny.
Rage will destroy it.

You have the option whether to fight for your future or let anger change you.

Sasuke Uchiha: [Flashback] My name is Sasuke Uchiha. I hate a lot of things and I don't particularly like anything. What I have is not a dream, because I will make it a reality. I'm going to restore my clan and destroy a certain somebody. And noe I finally arrived. 

"If you think I'm just a foolish kid ruled by his emotions, that's fine. Following Itachi's path would have been too childish, the whispering of fools who don't know hatred. If anyone else tries to ridicule the way I live, I'll slaughter everyone they ever cared about. And then maybe they'll understand what it's like to taste... a little of my hatred."

"Naruto... it's too late, nothing you can say will change me! I'm going to kill you and every last person in your beloved village! It's time to make your choice! Kill me and become a hero, or die at my hand and become another one of my victims!"

I have long since closed my eyes... My only goal is in the darkness."

Arg Notes #19 : There she goes..again

It's been nine months. Bitter months. I started this - I have to end this. It's a war between me and myself. My goals and disappointments seems to be raging me into a battle I was never meant to win.
Look at her. She's happy. Contented with the world she chose. I really underestimated the power of Satan for bringing backsliders into the fake oasis of life. I knew the reality, but I was here lurking in the shadows of my mess. What on earth God is trying to prove to me?! -that He is in control. For years I was been on a tug-of-war against my parents, trying to prove how much I love that person. I even resisted the voice in me telling she was the one! My heart remained loyal to her even when grief is too much to bare.

Yet, I was really disappointed - to the fact that I was now afraid of giving out my best for a person deserving my whole heart. You can love her with your whole heart, be faithful, and even take your efforts farther than the stars - but in the end, she'll just TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED.

Arg Notes #18: New Year, New life?

January 17, 2013

And now it's a new year. I really don't know how to start this year right - to the point of buying a Starbucks planner for me to be motivated on making Godly plans for my year. Honestly, I've been living a life way below my potential. I should have been a change person by now, but look at me, I'm full of regrets . However, this is a mistake that only faith can re-compensate. Without Him, I will be nothing but a looser. A person so mocked up by the world and is living in the past.

So I welcome 2013!

I promise to change the theme of this blog. No more bitterness. I'll do my best to make this encouraging and worth reading for. God saved me for a purpose and thus I should live a life worthy of praise.

"You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want." — Zig Ziglar 

"Others can stop you temporarily - you are the only one who can do it permanently." — Zig Ziglar 

"Success is the maximum utilization of the ability that you have." — Zig Ziglar 

"You cannot climb the ladder of success dressed in the costume of failure." — Zig Ziglar 

"You are the only person on earth who can use your ability." — Zig Ziglar 

"Go as far as you can see and when you get there, you will always be able to see farther." — Zig Ziglar 

"You were born to win, but to be a winner, you must plan to win, prepare to win, and expect to win." — Zig Ziglar 

"Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be." — Zig Ziglar