Sunday 1 July 2012

Arg Notes #4

July 2, 2012 Monday
Daily Journal

It's been months since the disaster. My life has now been ran by series of
unfortunate events. Laughter is not my medicine anymore - but stress and a tired whole
being. I just can't believe why did I dedicated and comiitted my heart to a single
person for an almost 6 unfruitful years. Worse than that, beyond the scars and the
bitterness, I am very sure of myself that this person would still be, or should I say, is
still the one who owns my heart.

Never in our 5 years of relationship that I broke from our commitment.
She's always been the one, the most beautiful, the perfect woman
I've been praying from the Lord, my best friend, and the only person who really knew the real me.

But we have our separate worlds now. Different goals in life, priorities, and dreams. Seems to be that maybye, correct me if i'm wrong, that the only thing that binds our relationship from the past is a blind love. That's explains the immaturity that gaps me from her and the big wall of priorities that separates our goals in life. No matter what our differences is, I still love her.

I'm still waiting for a miracle. Not for her to realize that I'm the best person for
her(Pride aside), but her growing up on the Lord and maturing in her Christian growth.
Sure, distance can seperate us. I can live with that. Seeing her happy with her
seems-to-be good influence friends and contented with what she is experiencing now.
I am happy for her, honestly.

Soon and I'll be soon deciding whom to trust and whom to obey.
My heart or my mind.Whether to get rid any remembrance or keep it just to have an .03% encouragement inspiration and yet prolong the agony with each resemblance of our broken relationship.
My commitment to her is beyond words. However, I should live a life and still focus on what God wants me to do- even without her. Even if this would hurt me a lifetime, I should continue the life God wants me to have. I have to live life to the fullest.

I am hoping for a miracle, before it's too late.

God is still in control and will always be.

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