Arg Notes #9: Transformation Deficiency

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I find myself trapped in a deep ravine.
Too much risk has been taken.
My level of motivation is now degrading to its
blockade. I fear the shadows of my disgrace would eventually scatter my hopes away. I became my own fear. 

For months, I've been living in my own illusion and walking in the path of darkened rainbows. Who would thought that I will end up like this? Even the people are unaware of the storms and battles I've been facing. Their eyes are blinded
by the duality of my different persona. No one really knew
me. Arg, what an emotional nuisance. Stop the drama.

I just want to thank the Lord for not giving up on me. My
life has been a series of ups and downs. Majority of my life
as an adult (as of now) has been like the story of the
prodigal son. I've been walking in the path away from my
Father - and I consciously know that. Every step I take is a
heartache for my Father - and yet the Lord is there to remind
me that whatever I do, His open arms is there waiting for me
no matter what.

I have come to a point in my life that I just want to give up
- give up myself. This life has become so tiring that I can't
enjoy every single second despite the blessings God's still
pouring on me. I hate to see myself living in a lie. I hate
to see what I've become now. I want and I definetely need to
go back to God.

Whatever your doing, pause for a moment and think if it's worth it.

You cannot bring back the time that you've wasted.